The Captain's (B)log

What would you do if you were one inch tall?


As a 6 foot 3 (and a 1/2) inch physical specimen (something I’ve always liked about myself), I’ve had the good fortune to avoid most all inferiority complexes, potato chips on my shoulder and looking up to most people. I’m not a prideful twit but I’ve always been a pretty secure human being living my life as the tallest one in the class, surveying the basketball court from the greatest height, ALWAYS being the one people ask to reach stuff but… what if I was one inch tall?

I’m sure some people would decide to build a clubhouse of leaves in their backyard while others would try something cliche like helping people or sleeping in a wallet but… Honestly? I would probably end up getting into a lot of trouble >:) The list adventures you could have as a pigmy person are endless.  Riding in every toy, taming every infinitesimal bug and animal, commandeering an ant farm, the world would become a much bigger place to say the least.  I came up with a looooong list of ideas BUT instead decided to share this poem by Shel Silverstein with you.

If you were only one inch tall, you’d ride a worm to school.
The teardrop of a crying ant would be your swimming pool.
A crumb of cake would be a feast
And last you seven days at least,
A flea would be a frightening beast
If you were one inch tall.

If you were only one inch tall, you’d walk beneath the door,
And it would take about a month to get down to the store.
A bit of fluff would be your bed,
You’d swing upon a spider’s thread,
And wear a thimble on your head
If you were one inch tall.

You’d surf across the kitchen sink upon a stick of gum.
You couldn’t hug your mama, you’d just have to hug her thumb.
You’d run from people’s feet in fright,
To move a pen would take all night,
(This poem took fourteen years to write–
‘Cause I’m just one inch tall).

Not a whole lot of ways to follow such a great literary work but I will do my best with a question. Tell me. What would you do if you were one inch tall?

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20 thoughts on “What would you do if you were one inch tall?

  1. I’d totally eavesdrop on every conversation… ever.

  2. What would I NOT do if I was once inch tall? I’d travel the world… which would be a small city for me :) I’d have the best time ever!

    • Well that’s not fair Jeff. You’ve had more opportunity to consider this opportunity considering you’re closer to one inch tall than the rest of us :P sorry bro just had to throw somethin in there. Yeah seriously? I think they should create some 3-D visual experience where they drop you in a regular house but as a one inch tall, equally proportionate person. That would be a blast :D

  3. Asher Kade on said:

    Awesome post….a fun idea…might steal this idea from you (of course, with different answer).
    Shel Silverstein was my favorite poet, along with Edgar Allen Poe. Thanks for reading my post!
    BTW, I like your blog look….not for me, as it is very girly, but it is very nice and creative!

    • Hahahahahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Well you won’t meet many manlier guys than me in this world. I’m about as far as you get from that (I just like the background). Guess it’s time for a change!!!

  4. Awesomely fantastic post Josiah!!! I mean, seriously, it rocks. She’ll Silverstein has been a favorite of mine for as long as I can remember … my favorite books, which I used often when I taught are “Missing Piece”& “The Giving Tree”… if I were only one inch tall, I thinked I’d perch myself on people’s shoulders & play “good conscience.” Think it would be a blast… telling people what to do, possibly making them think they’re hearing things. Good times! :)

  5. mjcache on said:

    Hey Capt. Have you thought about standup comedy?
    You’ve definitely got the material… you could easily get the laughs.
    Lovin’ your stuff, chuffed I subscribed.

  6. what do you mean by ‘if you were one inch tall’ ?

    How did you infer that I am not? I may be the world’s smallest blogger – typing this by leaping kangaroo style from key to ket – oops, missed. . . .

  7. missclhaden20 on said:

    WordPress should consider getting ‘like’ button for the comments section. I really like this post! If I was one inch tall, I would find a jar of chocolate spread and live out the rest of my days being very small and very fat….

  8. At an inch , I’ll KO a Praying Mantis (creepy buggers ) with a toothpick and my brilliant COD enhanced abilities . Then take over the 1 inch world as you know it. veni , vidi ,vici XD

  9. I LIKE PEANUT BUTTER

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