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26 Feb 2012

A Tribute To The Mancave

You know it’s bad when you have random girls over for the sole purpose of having them wash your dishes. This thought occurred to me a couple months ago while I was flipping my burritos on the skillet with pliers (due to the lack of clean spatulas…). I’ve since had a few changes in my living situation but I will forever value that era of wallowing in glorious singlehood. I’m still single but I’ve given up the whole ‘wallowing’ thing. I doubt I will ever descend to that level again but honestly, it was fun while it lasted. I wasn’t poor by any means but money always had a better, more adventurous place to go rather than basic hygiene. (Speaking of hygiene it is never funny to make fun of female hygiene… end of story. Period!)

Dane Cook: ”You know you’re a bachelor when it gets to this point: When you’ve got one light bulb left, and you just keep taking it out and bringing it into the room you need it in. That’s how sad and lonely you are. You won’t even buy bulbs.”

My friend recently pulled out some posters she’d saved from the mancave before it’s conquest and eventual evacuation. One was of Chuck Norris and various quotes denoting his ability to blow bubbles with beef jerky and the use of his hair in the making of bulletproof vests for law enforcement agencies across the planet… the other a list of what to do in the event of a zombie Apocalypse… 6. BOOBIES ARE GOOD (praising the pros of setting booby traps) etc.

50 inch TVs and two high powered gaming consoles adorned the den wall and the blinds were all eventually destroyed and replaced with blankets or sheets. Once again I’d like to reiterate my lack of desire to ever experience this again… I have much grander plans for my existence in this dog eat dog world. As I move up in the corporate hierarchy there are a few things I wouldn’t mind adding to the experience.

To each his own.

1. Pool. Complete with a sign declaring “Welcome to my _OOL, Notice there is no “P” in it. I’d like to keep it that way” (if there’s any other pool jokes floating around out there feel free to enlighten me). Throw in a hot tub, nearby trampoline and basketball hoop and we’ll be ready to rock and roll!

2. The universal house remote. A condo complete with mood buttons! I can press on the remote that adjust the aesthetics and lighting appropriately. You know you’ve made it when walls move, sounds permeate the air, lights change and your residence can turn into a club or a house of love at the touch of a button.

A few games of battle shots, chess shots, beer pong, ultimate beer pong, a stripper pole, a poker table, ping pong and a pool table and we are good to go! What would you put in your ultimate man cave men? And for the women… what do you secretly like about the mancave experience (perhaps)? GO!

Posted in Behavorial Observations, Comedy, Food, Humor, Life and tagged alcohol, bachelor, Booby trap, Business and Economy, Chuck Norris, Dane Cook, dirty, drinking, Fun, Jerky, Man cave, mancave, messy, pad, parties, Shopping

25 May 2011

20 Comments

Didja miss me? :)

Ladies and gentlemen… after an absence the likes of which this blog has never seen… Captain Obvious is back in the ring!

I don’t know where to start… the trip to Alaska was incredible. Flown in by private plane 100 miles north of Anchorage into the middle of nowhere in particular (google it). Working 13 hours a day, 7 days a week, working night shift, 91 hours a week. Doing lots of heavy lifting and various other random manual labor all night every night, working on a rig drilling for core for geologists to examine in an effort to prospect for gold. They’ve already found 5 million ounces but need 10 million to make it worth mining.

A half hour snow machine ride or 1.5 minute helicopter ride to work every evening before a long night and returnjust as the sun would rise. This is mainly a photo post and a big “Aloha!” from Alaska or whatever it is they say up there besides “Brrrr.” I’m back in Washington state now and living it up big time till I have to head back up in a couple of weeks. It got down to -30 degrees Fahrenheit while I was there, so cold that the only wildlife I saw during my stay were a mouse and a bird toward the end of my stay and then a friggin MOOSE when I got back to the city to fly home. Go figure… Going up for the summer should get interesting though. We’re going to have to have a gun on the drill rig at all times due to the bears. Feel free to ask questions! I’m sure I’m skippin lots… it was an amazing experience!