I Speak Fluent Foodish

When questioning certain females as to the nature of their virtually non-existent eating habits, it quickly became evident that this was way out of my league… so naturally I took it and ran with it. I was informed that this is not a simple issue, with large words people don’t usually understand like ‘metabolism’ and ‘food‘. They couldn’t have known I have a second language. I speak fluent Foodish.

These girls are all “Oh yes I had this crumb for breakfast. Oh so delicious! And then the speck I picked off my plate for lunch? Mmm… scrumptious and that DINNER! OMG, words can’t describe how good that 1/32 of cake tasted!” Aspiring models reading Vogue Magazine and bragging about how little they ate… Really? First of all, that’s very dangerous. Everyone knows the leading cause of death among fashion models is falling through street grates.

NEWSFLASH: There’s a line in the sand between taking care of yourself and starvation. One stick figure of a friend actually gave this retort when questioned. “Well, there’s starving kids in Africa.” From personal experience, this statement will suffice as an answer for most questions on any subject… you should try it sometime! However, in THIS instance it was completely off topic. At least try to give me a slightly entertaining answer like “I’m trying to minimize my body mass so the aliens will have a harder time spotting me from space.”

Now, realistically, I can’t speak for all my sex (keep reading…) but I will do my best. I don’t claim to be a relationship expert but in the process of devastating the obvious I find it my duty to the blogosphere to give it my best shot. What man wants to hang around someone who pukes at the mention of food? That rules out like… half of our conversation topics and seeing how much you all like to talk, that’s mutually painful.

A walking coat hanger ready to faint never did anyone any good. Everyone wants to get SOMETHING out of life whether it be helping others, having fun, leaving a legacy etc (email me if you don’t want to get something out of life, you have issues). What we DO want is a real, live human being who doesn’t have to pursue their twisted view of ‘perfect’ all the time. We don’t want to have to look through a telescope to see your personality up close and personal. At the same time, we shouldn’t have to use a microscope to verify your waistline still exists.

My point isn’t as barbaric as “guys like curves”. It’s not about being the perfect model or a sex symbol. If you have to starve something, starve the ego. No one wants or needs a victim of self-image obsession, male, female, skinny or otherwise. I realize I’m targeting a select group of people with this post but it’s because there’s a very conscious choice involved. I hope that this article’s perspective has shed some new light on the subject. If so, this gentleman has accomplished his goal.